I know I hav’ent been writing all that fitness related articles since restarting my blog recently. I’ve actually had a hard time coming up with ideas. I had thought to re-post allot of my old articles and while I know I saved them somewhere am having a hard time digging them up.
Last year this time I had a million things to write about. This year, I feel like I have nothing to share even though I know way more than I did a year ago. Two thoughts on this. 1. I am losing my edge or just plain losing it. 2. The more I know the less questions I have and thus the less things to ask others about.
Here’s a mind F!CK for the night. I have been working out 5-6 days a week for months, since the move back to my home town. I am not eating as “clean” as I should. Quite honestly I am eating badly. Too few calories,mostly the right type of macros. However, I look in the mirror and sometimes think “good job” and other times think “ugh, you look awful”. However tonight I put on a nightgown that I don’t often wear. Its pretty and frilly. There is nobody to see it, but it makes me feel good. However when I bought it, I couldn’t do it up. During my leanest in June for the UFE Showdown I could do up one button of two. Tonight I put it on and it does up and is lose. Yet I do not see it right now. I feel very out of shape regardless of hitting my PB’S at the gym, fitting into smaller clothing I do not feel fit.
I totally know that its a mental thing. I know I am not eating properly and stress is getting to me, and I also know I should see that I am leaner then before but I don’t. For years when I was heavy I dressed like I was thin. When I got thin (again) I dressed like I was heavy. I am completely aware this is some sort of psychological brain fart going on in my female mind but REALLY:?!? Ugh. I like to think that I have it together yet I constantly catch myself in the barbie doll mentality