In just 20 short days I am going to yet again get on stage and compete in a fitness competition. 20 days can one day seem like loads of time, I look in the mirror and think pfft I got this! And then other days I want to panic, cancel, research liposuction and boob jobs. Could be the crazy workouts, could be the diet, could be that I have no idea on some days why I want to do this.
Why I do this to myself changes daily. I spent much of my adult life like many other moms feeling that spending time or making an effort to invest in myself means that I am somehow taking away from or diminishing my responsibilities to my kids.
Reality is, that’s not true. I am a person apart from being a mom. Making myself a priority and learning to take time out for fitness has given me the ability to separate me from me-as-Mom and it gives me time to think, process and evaluate the things going on in our lives right now. I realized not so long ago that when I was a smoker (I quit in 2007 by the way) I used to justify my breaks at work by saying that it was when I came up with solutions. Doing something other then focusing on the problem and taking a time out (yes in a very very unhealthy way) allowed me to come up with ideas that were far more out of the box and valuable then making lists and wracking my brain in front of a computer. For many years I missed smoking because
I love how I look, do not get me wrong. The fact that after 2 children I am able to stand next to 18 year olds and feel good about my body on a stage is an absolute thrill!
I encourage my kids to take part in all types of activities. The big kid has played hockey, baseball, did tae-kwon-do and taken guitar lessons. He likes basketball and last year played soccer. Boo played soccer, did hockey lessons, and will be embarking on tennis this year. Those are their activities and I will always be their number one supporter and cheering section. I think its healthy for them to know that I have goals too and hobbies, that I embrace them and always will and that I expect them to cheer for me. My kids go to their dads every other weekend. I purposely picked my last show and my upcoming show because I have my children on the weekends of my shows. One of the kids dad’s gave me some flack for this:
Dad: “Why would you put yourself first on a weekend with your children?!?”
I get comments on the blog about how my kids must be so proud of me. I’m sure that one day they will be. But when was the last time you met a 14 year old boy who thought anything good about his mother?!? Let along one that’s mom was only 20 years older and competed in bikini competitions??
That’s normal. One day they will understand everything that I did was with the best intentions and that I did amazing things with them and because of them, but also that I did amazing things, just because.